Marriage was great

My dear husband,

(or as you were, back then)

Looking back from now

I’d like for you to know

I didn’t know how much I’d love you

more, after our divorce,

because I grew to know you

—better yet, I grew to know you

by growing to know me too

I healed that little child

whose dream we broke

by getting married a little too fast

for the wrong reasons

to people who weren’t ready

I hope you can forgive me for hating you

so I could protect me

There was a time it came to be about everything

you took from me

Now I know when I need to play instead of carrying more weight

Now I know how to go with grace, how to slow my pace and be more sure

And I know there are things left to grow from still but

you gave me something that nobody else will

I think marriage was great

when we would sit by the table

and play our homemade quirkle

The jagged edges on the little wooden boxes were rudimentary

cut funny by your fingers

and I never told you how much I loved them

I was always so tired in my soul

those days, most moments, I was exhausted

of watching you, and I, get weary and so broken

But I think of that table now

And I think of your fingers then

And I thank them for being a part of my story.